Wednesday, 22 July 2015

Ignore Criticism and Continue being 'YOU'

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 Being woman who takes control of personal as well as professional life is not a easy task. Apparently at both the front women, herself become their own enemy not only fellow ladies around her but also herself. Lot of things have been written and said about being 'YOU', despite of all challenges. My todays post is inspired by one if my close mommy friend who made me realize that I should stop feeling guilty. She also reminded me of my earlier blog post on same lines exclusively for working moms, "Why should Indian working moms should feel guilty?"
During my official trip to Sweden for work

Ever since my work at job-front has increased after holidays, I had developed a habit to feel more and more guilty for every small thing happening wrong around me. First thing she asked me,  "stop thinking so much about bad happenings and stop blaming yourself for everything. She further said, "And if at all you think things are happening as you tend to forget, then it's fine, it's OK to forget sometimes, every time, whats a big deal. You anyways have so many things to think about, which far more important than petty gossips and criticism made for your shortcomings or little misses."

While conversing with my mom on phone (where I was mourning over my leg pain) she further explains, "There are two categories of people Nidhi, in this world.  One those who are pursuing their dreams and making changes they desire in their life and the others who resent, dislike the achievers.  And yes, I warn you for the second category who dislike achievers."

The conversation with her was short, crisp , yet meaningful. The tapestry of thoughts started weaving in my  head, not that I was taking rest due to my left feet , but also her talks inspired me to think more about the second category of people in our life. This category people are more surprised and shocked to see us comfortable in any given situation even if undesired, and also people around us or connect to us are also equally equally comfortable like we are.

Like when I was 'Smart Mom at Home', I use to face more resistance for my style of cooking, house-keeping and how slow I eat, or how quickly I finish other chores, for every little or small things I faced resistance. Not only limited to household chores but the womaan who wants to bring change within herself, others and around her is also challenged by many stereoypes.

Like if a women starts dressing up in a style, she is sure to encounter more resistence than appreciation.
Of course she would be given compliment on her face, but down the line her dressing style will be one of the topic for her mommy friends to gossip about or so. One may end up having jealous friend if one wish to call so, and later the jealous friend herself tries to dress as stylish like you. Don't get bogged down, feel good that you inspire so many others to not only look up to you but also encourage them to dress neatly even though it was in spurt of jealousy.

To the jealous mommy friend, one message from me is to just dress with class, nothing can compare your confidence and class irrespective to the length and label of your outfit. Just be confident in whatever you wear and that will reflect class not the psuodeo lables. For women who encounter just jealous friends often, be prepared for such instances and also be pleasing to them with beaming smile when they taunt or give compliments. Your cold shoulder to their petty yet funny comments is sure to win over their jealousy one day. If nothing look at celeb moms, they are one of the favourite target for not paparazzi but also other mommys who love to comment in each and every move celeb moms make.

When you are on your toes for business or at work front, it's not always that your house will look as pretty as any hotel suit. Yes, but your once in a week time, when you are settling with kids play time, weekly errands, groceries, cleaning and maids/servant issues, at SPA me time and we time with hubby, your messy home and everything else does affect the gossip mongers.

And if at all you succeed to keep your household intact, with all checked to-do-list, they (second category) will be the first one to hug you and say, "Oh dear, what the point of working so much, is money everything. Dont you think you should relax and enjoy play time with kids and steal some romantic moments with your hubby on any weekend. You dont have to do this to yourself." So instead of complementing they will have sharp swords of words to make you guilty for even what you and your immediate family enjoy the most. Argg! mean isn't?! What can you do in this situations? Sit back, rest your legs and sip a cup of hot tea, and reply to them politely, " Awwe you so caring , but I enjoy my life this way so does my hubby and kids. Of course we do have special moments to share on weekend with kids. And we do plan our date even after so many years of marriage. :-)" Tada! you would be feeling annoyed, hurt and all, but dont' show a sign, just maintain your composure and love for the person attacking you. Be lovely in your response. The gossips will not carry much weight if you maintain your calmness and stay composed in your response.
 And when I wasn't working mom, I often  heard things like, "Oh you have been so lucky, that you don't do anything entire day. I am jealouse that you are so lucky that your hubby is helping you with household chores, So lucky you are." I often replied by saying, "Yes I am lucky, so does he is. We promised to suppose each other equally at work and home equally. We are loving the life the way it is, in fact am blessed to enjoy every bit of pampering by my hubby and each moment of love spent with my lo. Am not at home for work am at home for my child and her development." And end it with beaming smile.

My only idea to write this blog is that no comments, taunts or criticism should make you hurt and sad so much that you stop doing what you desire for. And when you live your life in your own terms, be ready for criticism and continue being 'You'.  And above all, be aware of the second category of the people as they will try to intimidate you, will never compliment nor acknowledge your efforts of being good mom or wife but will pull you back to the days that they think is comfortable.

Even I faced similar challenges being working /non-working wife / working/nonworking mom, even I wanted to give up someday and have had done too. But the thing you must learn to do with criticism is NOT let it change your plans or defeat your ambition. Keep going, Keep going strong!

Many of you are afraid of making first meal after marriage because you fear the comments from new family that you have messed up with food. But it's not so, it's your style of cooking! Like wise sometimes you under-dress so that you can avoid comments of being overdressed.  Isn't?

If you are doing something that you don't want to and while your desires take backseat, see if you are in wrong company. When I say wrong company means people around are with you just to pull you down for whatever you do, with no signs of appreciation or acknowledgement. When you notice yourself doing things as per others views  like what they will think and all, means they will judge you and you are scared of it, don't ever let people's comments decide on what you should be doing. By doing this you are not only being hard on yourself by being guilty but you are letting your insecurities to rule you and your desires. Be who you desire to be, not what others what you to be. Don't ever mellow down in your lifestyle to keep peace.

When you do what you desire for and when you are what you want to be, of course people around you and others will benefit of it directly or indirectly. You will be more happy, lovely, jovial and of course those gossip mongers will turn out to be your well wisher and they will come around back to you. Just keep being you, so may resent , and if they still do so , they were never your well-wishers or friends ever.

Trust me, the changes are worth it! Keep in mind that what you do is what you desire for  and don't ever let with comments, gossips influence your decision. Stick to your plan, stand strong, don't let the criticism decide who you are. Embrace it politely, keep doing what you want to do and continue being 'YOU'.  You are special, you are smart, you are beautiful, you are smart mom of Millennial. Be proud of yourself!

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Read also;
Momz'Space: MothersDay>> Celebrating 'You'
"Why should Indian working moms should feel guilty?"
10 Things Motherhood taught me
Guest Blog By Debolina Coomar: The FUN of Mommi-fication
Guest Blog By Geeta Yadav>> FINDING THE REAL YOU

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