Wednesday, 6 December 2017

Gratitude List 2017: #1 January

As promised to all my readers, friends, and well wisher, here I am with my gratitude list for 2017. Aiming to focus only positive aspects happen 2017, despite the fact i was surrounded by circumstantial obstacles in personal life. So here is my gratitude list for the month of January... 

For me the month of January was just like classic opener for any Fizzy drink, which was quite effervescent at the beginning and marks me slow gradually. I began 2017 with a great celebration, I wanted to mark this year with a 'high note' and tread confidently as unstoppable me in the coming months of 2017. To meet my healthy lifestyle goals for upcoming 2017 I registered myself for Pinkathon2017 that too for 10km category. Earlier I have participated in 3 km and 5 km maximum, but doing 10 fo r the person like was big win. 

I happen to meet an awesome colleague from different team, her name was Sweta koti, we both use to run atleast 4 km everyday at NGV, Koramangala. Her early morning wake-up calls motivted me to not to give up. Yes, there were times when I felt lazy but then anyways I had to get up for Erishka's school thingy by 6:30 so why not I start my day little more early.

In order to give healthy start for the day i started having wheat grass juice almost everyday instead of tea, and then also started working on my sleep routine too, I must thank my Smart Watch which helped to monitor and improve my sleep routine. All this while I continued by Buddhism practice by attending meetings, participating in monthly discussions and of course Chanting.

So my morning routine for almost last three months of 2016 was like this;

5:45- get up, freshen up and Chant for 10 mins and morning prayer
6:15: off to run
7:00: Coffee followed by quick shower
7:20: Cook & Pack Breakfast, snack n small lunch for 3 of us, 
8:45: Wake up Erishka get her ready, and myself for work
8: 30: walk down Erishka to school, and try to login before 9 am to office
9:00: Breakfast heavy like alu parattha, childa, poha, poori, channa, sprouts, parattha
around 11am I replaced tea with green wheat grass juice, and fruits for snacks
1:30 lunch : homemade food
3:30 : juice , veg sandwich and fruits
6:30: Pick Erishka, 
6:45: have evening snacks (homemade sevaiya, potatoe chips, pasta) and milk
8:30: Dinner 
I aimed to sleep by 10 pm .... but it stretch till 10:30 as i need make Erishka do her HW, other school activity, next prep for food, and of course my social media interactions...

Yes i did went off track from my fitness goal, and that too when the D-Day was nearing, you may blame 31st December Hangover ;) and also my sister's first visit (for wedding) to Bangalore after my Marriage. She was coming to our house for the first time.. On the same day of her arrival, I had to collect my BiB too so , being super excited I picked my sister and nephew from Lavelle road. Reached home to have awesome food made by my mom.. 

Best part of this month was that my mom was with me, in Bangalore. She extended her stay due to some family wedding happening in the same city. However, I happen to spend more time with her, not sure about the quality.

Finally I finished my first ever 10K run in 01:29:13 as official timing Thanks to Akshaye Thakkar ... I left behind lot many things my qualms, inhibition, fear, abuses, stereotypes #leaveitbehind #pinkathon2017 #pinkathon #fitmom

I did a good show on the 29th January 2017 hoping to begin next month of love February better :) So these were few good things to count for my gratitudelist2017 for the month of January. 

Saturday, 2 December 2017

Will I ever 'Accept' 2017, and move on?

I am writing almost after 7-8 months on this blog, and I am absolutely unapologetic about it.  For me this blog is reflection of my personal pages of life. I do not blog to kill the time, I write what i feel, and I blog because I love to, it’s like a personal journal where keep track of activities with kids, other like minded moms, learn new things and share my experiences.

The year 2016 was so good to believe that everything in my life was falling in place whether it’s my work, my kids or my personal life… I was very much content, and as the year 2017 was fast approaching I was all set for new year and it’ new set of life goals and career priorities.

Unknowingly I started challenging and stimulating the year 2017 to Bring it on! And trust me everytime when I ask from universe it will take pretty long time or won't even consider my requests. But maybe this time the law of attraction wanted to work for my wishes to come true in the year 2017 i.e offering me the most toughest and difficult year to deal with... challenges for the year which is yet to come kick started with a wrong note and the poignancy is still there… And thus the year 2017 struck a wrong note a the very beginning, followed by my mom’s sudden demise.

She was 60 and I am in early 30s. It was a complete shock not only for me and my family but also for every person she met in her including casual acquaintances. It was difficult to believe that how can such a lively, energetic, cheerful and dynamic personality is no more. Trust me nothing prepared me for this loss, not even in my darkest nightmare, I never thought that she wouldn’t be with me any more.

Waking up every morning, getting back to office work, taking care of 5 yr old is very painful but what kept me away from grieving was my 4 months old pregnancy. I had curtail my emotions so that a new life coming to our world in 2017 is happy and healthy child. A mother creates a special space in her child’s heart, and i wanted to do same by gifting my second a healthy and happy life.

I don’t want to sound dramatic, but by making an effort to have happy pregnancy, I couldn’t make space to grief enough for my Mom. It’s very easy for someone very close to you, your colleague or even an acquaint friend to ask you not to stress, don't cry, be strong we know you are strong blah blahh… but it’ easier said than done. Sharing my pregnancy journey with her or my elders one’s new milestone was left untold, incomplete.

I am happy that she parted her soul without any qualms or pain, having beaming smile on her face. Just the way she led her life, where her soul effortless touched everyone’s life and keeping her alive in every conversation we have about her. She was way too generous, compassionate and a happiest person i’ve ever met. But knowing all this doesn’t make it easy for me to accept the fact that she is no more. For me losing becomes everytime difficult when my daughter misses her, when she plays the same games taught by naani or when my two months old baby rolls-over for the first time.

In the following months of my mom’s death, I succumbed myself into lots and lots of office work, and managed myself to at least look normal and pretend happy person. I went to office, strolling with friends down the street, going for shopping, satisfying my pregnancy cravings. I somehow managed to look like a normal person. But I was in grief, and not ok at all. I am writing this post so that I release some burden of grief, yet get back to normal as happy mommy of two.

Will I ever accept the fact that my mother is gone? I know I will, and get going! I know it will take time but I’ve decided to count all good things of the year 2017 and gear up for positive 2018.

Every week i’ll write my blog on good things happen in 2017. Let me make my Mom feel proud by being happy mom to twos at least can aim to be a  ½ a percent like her. What do you all say? Please share your advice for me to kickstart 2018 positively.